Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
