So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
