Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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