I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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