how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
