I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
