they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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