so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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