i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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