To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
