So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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