He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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