Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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