I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
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I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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