Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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