last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
