I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
