Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I supernannyed him into submission
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
