My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
