So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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