she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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