I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
