If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
