I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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