but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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