I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You need a sexual gate keeper
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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