I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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