why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
