So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
