When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
