I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
