some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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