...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
