I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
