Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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