So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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