I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
