My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
