you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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