exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
