HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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