Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
