the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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