just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
