I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
