I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
