If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
time to smoke my breakfast
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
