I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
