soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
