I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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