He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
