barbara walters just said penis...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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