I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
