Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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