apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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