My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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