Just mADE A PArabola og urine
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
