highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
