it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
