What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
