I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
