I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He better not be in your backpack
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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