put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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