I can text with my tongue
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
only you would photoshop your dick
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
