Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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