I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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