Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
