I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
