she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
