So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
