at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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