i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
