OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
