You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
