My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
