Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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