oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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