Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
