so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
