last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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